耻辱

羞，不用两岁的小孩已懂得羞。大人说，哟，怎么吃得满口脏脏的？他就往妈妈身后躲。哎，怎么不刷牙臭臭的？他自然会双手掩脸。大一点嘛，给老师打啦（现在不大可能发生），躲进厕所哭。厕所出来没拉拉链给同学笑，逃回家去。

再大一点，羞，就没那么显著了。考试作弊，算什么，谁没作？批他个零分，没事，我爸明儿发律师信，你等着瞧。搞大女朋友的肚子，操，她自个儿送上的，关我屁事？

南非作家Coetzee的名著，《耻辱》(Disgrace)，开头就说“For a man his age, fifty-two, divorced, he has, to his mind, solved the problem of sex rather well.” 主角是位白人文学教授，在年轻女学生不情愿之下，性侵犯了她。直到后来，因承认罪刑却无悔意，而搬去与乡下女儿住。女儿经营个小农场。故事发生在20世纪末，南非种族隔离解放初期，当部分黑人在新的社会次序上占便宜，这位朴实的女儿被轮奸了，父亲也被这三个黑人匪徒火烧。女儿因此怀孕，还决定留下罪犯的种。教授亲手犯下耻辱，结果目击女儿忍受耻辱。他终于明白要在女儿身处的环境生活，就必须忍受兽性的对待与羞辱，像只狗。

一个人有时真的要低成这个样子，才羞。羞了要坦坦荡荡，面对千夫指，人家还对你有些许敬意。羞辱升华成了理直气壮，恼羞成怒，打滚撒泼，只叫人笑话。

故事里被教授性侵犯女孩的爸爸，对教授说：‘Professor,’ he begins, laying heavy stress on the word, ‘you may be very educated and all that, but what you have done is not right…We put our children in the hands of you people because we think we can trust you. If we can’t trust the university, who can we trust?…No, Professor Lurie, you may be big and mighty and have all kinds of degrees, but if I was you I’d be very ashamed of myself, so help me God. If I’ve got hold of the wrong end of the stick, now is your chance to say, but I don’t think so, I can see it from your face.’”And when Lurie finds the accusation beneath him and turns away, the girl’s father shouts, “‘You can’t just run away like that! You have not heard the last of it, I tell you!’”

耻辱是洗不脱刮不去的烙印。懂得耻辱的人类还有点希望。

“我在猜想人们要吃了什么东西才能如此的没有脸
我在猜想他们一定是吃了我们不要的米共田
我很肯定他们一定是吃了虫子饲料米共田
我很肯定他们一定跟虫子一样没有脸”

陈升的一碗面 。